Father, Son, Holy Spirit, Amen.
The Holy Trinity.
Growing up as a Catholic, I was taught to say this before and after every single prayer, when I prayed the Holy Rosary, dipped my hand in Holy Water before and after each weekly Mass, and too many other instances to list here, all while doing the sign of the cross.
But the mystery of the Holy Trinity wasn’t taught to me until I was eight years old, when I was going through the preparation for my First Holy Communion. I very vividly remember my religion teacher explaining it, more than anything else I was taught during these First Communion lessons, and I was so intrigued by the mystery — but also so, so confused.
All three things are *different* and *separate*, but they’re all still the *same*?
That’s what I was told though, so I complied, like any other good little Catholic girl.
But life went on, and the analytical thinker in me dismissed this concept as a possibility. I wanted to believe it, but it made zero logical sense, so it simply wasn’t real for me.
Welp! That all changed in 2019, when I started experiencing numerous mind-blowing synchronicities that couldn’t logically be explained and absolutely required some sort of interconnectedness of all things.
But wtf is it? What is going on?! Make it make sense!
And *that* was when I fell into the spirituality rabbit hole. The mystery of the Holy Trinity, that I was introduced to in 1992, started to become a real possibility for me 27 years later in 2019. But it wasn’t until about a week and a half ago, when I completely left Earth on a mushroom trip, that it finally clicked.
Sounds crazy, right? A criminalized God-given plant actually brought me closer to God? Huh. Odd…
I’m no longer a practicing Catholic or churchgoer, but I do very much love and respect Jesus Christ and his teachings, and I feel a deep connection with many of the saints (particularly Saint Francis of Assisi). Jesus knew his stuff, obviously, truly loved and respected everyone unconditionally — even washed Judas’ feet when he knew Judas would betray him, leading to his execution — even prayed for the man mocking him on the cross next to him, while in immense pain from torture and crucifixion — and he performed countless incredible miracles, among so many other wonderful things. The Passion of the Christ, his Resurrection, and his Ascension, tell the story of ultimate surrender to God, and he led the way by showing the true path to spiritual enlightenment and ascension. His story is beautiful.
I do, however, believe he was misunderstood and misrepresented for the sake of patriarchal power and control, but I digress. That’s a tangent for another day.
So back to the mushrooms and how they led me to finally gaining a better grasp on the mystery of the Holy Trinity…
Of how we are all OF one God, OF one Source.
How we are all God.
How we are all “sons and daughters” of God, living “separate” experiences.
How all things, everywhere, although “separate”, are connected through the Holy Spirit.
It’s mysterious for sure, but when I surrendered to the experience that the God-given plant was trying to teach me, I was shown the truth in the way that Spirit knew would make sense to me.
And it made me appreciate this gift of life so much more, to embrace each moment even more fully, and to grow an even deeper connection to God, and in turn, myself.
I was sitting in my chair, minding my own business on my technicolor trip of glory, when I looked down and noticed a teeny tiny green worm trying to burrow its way between the threads of my sweatpants. I was so mesmerized watching it wriggle around, digging and struggling so hard to squeeze between the tiny thread holes that were clearly way too tiny for its small–but not that small–body. I felt sorry for the poor little dude, because it was literally killing itself in the process.
I let it crawl onto my fingernail so I could save it and place it back on the ground. But by this point, I could tell it was struggling to survive, and if it had a nervous system capable of sensing pain, it was probably suffering pretty badly. So I decided to smash it with my finger to put it out of its misery.
Disclaimer: I don’t ever kill bugs unless absolutely necessary. If I see one in my house, I trap it and release it outside. Call me ridiculous, but I don’t feel like they should die simply because they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. So it was honestly hard for me to kill this little wormy– but he seemed like he was truly in a lot of pain.
Anyway, immediately afterwards, a bird chirped and flew right in front of my line of sight. Then right after that, a butterfly flew in the same spot, but in the opposite direction.
I had full awareness that the energy of that tiny worm just transferred to the bird, then to the butterfly.
You think I’m crazy, don’t you? It seems like a normal everyday occurrence–bugs dying, birds chirping, butterflies flying. What’s the big deal?
But the way it all played out for me in that state of heightened awareness, of total vulnerability and surrender to the Divine, it was absolutely clear that the intention was to give me full realization of our infinite energetic essence. That our energy will never cease to exist after we die, and our physical bodies are just a vessel that carry our energy–our soul–in physical form.
To support this realization, I immediately began having visions of how everything is connected — literally nothing is separate. This is the part that is going to be a challenge for me to describe. Because alas, words are so stupid.
The vision Spirit gave me was similar to the 90s TV show called The Secret World of Alex Mack. In this show, Alex is a “normal” teenage girl, but she is able to liquefy into a metal-like form that falls into a puddle on the ground. This puddle can move around and then morph back into Alex in another location.
This is basically what all things, in every dimension, everywhere, are. I mean, not really, but it’s the best way I can describe it.
When our physical bodies die, they return back to the earth like the liquefied metal of Alex Mack, and the energetic essence can take on another physical form, manifested anywhere it wants, as anything it wants. This is how I was shown that we are all OF one Source, or God (I use these terms interchangeably), manifested into “separate” beings.
It sounds crazy, but Genesis 3:19 makes so much more sense to me now too because of it.
By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.
My soul is in this body, your soul is in your body, but when our bodies die, they return to the earth again, and then we reform into something else–maybe human, maybe small green wormy, maybe helicopter. And it doesn’t matter what we become, or where, or when, because everything is right now.
Everything. It’s happening right now. Yesterday and tomorrow are right now.
It’s so illogical, and such a challenge for our human minds to grasp and for me to put into words, but has any of this been logical? Is the Holy Trinity logical? That’s why it’s divine and a concept that’s literally out of this Newtonian physical world. Quantum physics is trying to theorize this concept as well, but the science just isn’t there yet.
I mentioned some of this next part in my last post, but I have to also include it here for context.
When you close your eyes, you are in this completely dimensionless space. You have zero awareness of your body, and there is no time. You just exist. It simply just is.
You are aware that you are nothing and everything all at once. This was when I realized that everything — you guys, *e.ver.y.thing* — is God, manifested as different physical forms — humans, ducks, concrete, grass, planets. Everything.
When you open your eyes, everything appears to be so rigid and heavy. Yes, it’s absolutely beautiful, but you’re aware of how it’s not light and flowy like your true inner essence. When you look at your body, you realize it’s not yours. It’s just a temporary suit carrying your energy, and it’ll return to the earth one day. Your nose itches, you scratch it, but you are completely detached from your body and realize the nose you just scratched isn’t yours. You feel as if you just scratched someone else’s nose, but the itch is still relieved. It truly is so surreal.
During the experience, an airplane flew overhead, and I even mentioned that I could be the pilot if I wanted. I could be the airplane itself! I could go anywhere, on any planet, in any dimension, at any time, and do anything. I can be anything.
I was aware that I have infinite potentials to my being-ness. Obviously in this reality, we are who we are. But when you open your awareness to the truth of all existence, that we are all the same — OF the same — but morphed into separate beings playing out different experiences, it just blows your mind and enhances your appreciation for all things.
We can jump from one timeline to the next if we want–even though, again, in this life, we are on this timeline. But the person sitting next to you is just you, living out their own timeline’s reality. And who they are and what they’re doing isn’t wrong. It’s just another part of you, in another vessel, playing out another experience.
It doesn’t matter what you become because all of creation is beautiful. Every bit of it. It’s all part of the experience.
Isaiah 45:7 makes more sense to me now too.
I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the Lord, do all these things.
The mushrooms allowed Spirit to show me different levels of consciousness, and this is how I interpreted all of it. It’s easiest to compare it to a video game — it’s so much more complex than that, but you guys, give me some grace here please. I’m doing my best with words.
We are all of one Source, or God — this timeless, spaceless, dimensionless, nothingness, that has the power to do and be anything and everything. God is the source of all creation, physical and nonphysical, lightness and darkness.
You, as God, decide to play a video game, and you have an infinite number of games and avatars sitting in front of you to choose from.
God is then “divided” into our infinite number of higher selves, or God’s “sons and daughters”, which are the guiding forces in our physical realities. This Source energy, still connected to our higher selves, descends into lower and lower levels of consciousness — slower and slower energetic frequencies — until they become our dense, three-dimensional bodies and physical experiences.
You, as God, choose to be Yoshi in Mario Kart and pick the Mushroom Cup track.
Our human selves have the power to change our physical realities if we choose to, as I mentioned in my last post, but within the scope of our destined physical experience that we chose before we were born.
You, as God, chose to be Yoshi on the Mushroom Cup track, and all its major track obstacles, before you started playing the game (before you were born). That part cannot change, but how Yoshi chooses to navigate the track is his own choice with his own free will.
If you have a desire that you feel is calling you deep within your soul — it exists in your own consciousness — then the potential is there for that reality to manifest in this physical reality. It’s just a matter of whether or not you make the choices that align with that potential.
This is not done by trying to control or manipulate others; you fully respect and allow them to live out their own unique experiences, and you love them unconditionally for the path they are playing out as well, even if it’s not a path you would choose. Because remember, you chose Yoshi in Mario Kart, and maybe they chose Wreck-It Ralph in Fix-It Felix, and that’s okay–it’s their life experience.
But you make choices for yourself that align with your own highest path, by either removing yourself from people or situations that don’t align, or by stepping towards those that do (or both). There is no “wrong” choice though. You are living out the experience as you choose with your free will–the choices just simply determine the level of fulfillment in your life experience.
And no matter your choice, your higher self is always trying to guide you back toward your highest potential timeline — the compass always points to Terrapin.
The Holy Trinity truly encompasses the mystery and power in the Oneness and Separateness of all things, and it indeed is a miracle. Although I am truly grateful for the religious teachings from my childhood, I feel like my first deep mushroom experience, thirty years later, was my first true Holy Communion — when Spirit finally helped me gain a better understanding of the power in the miraculous mystery of our existence.
For with God, nothing shall be impossible.