I’m a tattoo virgin, but back in 2009, I seriously considered getting the word “truth” printed somewhere on my body. I never went through with it, but I still feel an incredibly strong connection to that word, and it’s crazy how its personal meaning has evolved so much since then.
But man, you guys, talk about some truth. This past weekend, I had my first deep spiritual journey with psilocybin mushrooms.
No, I’m serious. Just wow.
These past few months of my absence from this blog, I’ve been diving pretty deeply into my spiritual path. It has taught me so much about my true self, my overall energy, how I expend my energy in my own life, how I use it to help others, how I protect it, etc.
This mushroom journey though…omg. It tied everything together in a way that only a magical God-given plant could do, and it’s been an incredibly interesting and insightful experience integrating what I learned into every aspect of my life. And it’s only been a few days.
I honestly don’t even know where to begin, but I will start by saying that the experience was downright beautiful. There truly are no words. I even said multiple times during the trip, when trying to explain what I was experiencing, that “words are so stupid”. Every time I opened my mouth to speak, it felt so flat and superficial compared to the actual experience.
Nothing is taken for granted. There is no wrong either; everything just is. And everything is so.dang.beautiful!
You realize that everything around you, *everything*, was created for you to enjoy and appreciate.
Even if it’s something you don’t like, you still love and appreciate it because it’s a reflection of your own energy and you can learn from it.
In addition to the beauty of the experience and witnessing the amazingness in all.things–which I truly just cannot articulate and is a lesson in itself–were all the lessons that the plant teacher knows your soul needs to learn.
Everything I was taught at this magical school, I already knew, but to actually be shown? It completely rewires and reprograms your subconscious.
I mean, you’re living out an experience where sounds have colors. And you don’t have a physical body anymore. You open your eyes and see your body, but if you scratch your nose, you realize it’s not yours. You realize you are not your body; you are only consciousness. It’s so surreal.
And then when you close your eyes, the awareness of your body and physical reality vanishes, and you’re in this completely dimensionless space.
You’re everything and nothing at the same time.
You aren’t your body, but in another reality, you could become the pixelated cloud in the sky if you wanted, or the worm that just died below, whose energy then became the bird chirping in the tree.
There is no time, but you’re living out different timelines.
It’s both empowering and humbling.
And you realize nothing matters anymore, but everything matters.
There are so many paradoxes to the experience that make no sense when I say them but make complete sense in my head.
Words are so stupid.
One of the biggest life lessons I learned though (there really were so many) was that you can choose where you invest your energy.
You can choose, you guys. You can actually *choose*, even in situations where you feel like you can’t.
Yes you can.
This sounds so trivial because we’ve heard it so many times, but the way I experienced it this past weekend was life-changing and has become very pivotal for me. Two Oracle and Angel cards I pulled for myself that morning before the shroomies were “Truth” and “Release Resistance”. I was literally told that the truth would set me free that day.
I sound dramatic, but I cannot explain how incredibly freeing this was, in all areas of my life, everywhere.
Words are so stupid.
I was sitting outside, fully enjoying myself and the amazing colors, sounds, smells, fractals, and all the glorious goodness of every moment. I mean you guys, the incense smoke was full of rainbows, and the bird’s chirping was yellow.
But anyway, then my thoughts suddenly and unexpectantly went sideways. I don’t even remember what the thought was, but that part is irrelevant.
Immediately after that negative thought, huge flies started swarming my head, and I got so irritated and uncomfortable; it was totally ruining my beautiful experience. In that moment, I chose to change my thoughts and energy, and my experience completely changed along with it. The bugs flew away, and everything immediately became peaceful again.
I chose my experience.
I realize how small that sounds, but the realization was massive. I can’t describe it.
Words are so.stupid.
What I learned was that I was investing so much energy into situations in my life where I was getting no return on my investment.
After a few days of processing and integrating this, it has become so clear to me.
I have always had a choice on where I invested my energy, but I guess I never really saw how valuable I was until this experience. I “knew” I was valuable, but I didn’t, like, really know I was that valuable.
Now I do realize it, and now I genuinely love and cherish all aspects of my true self and my energy, chubby tree trunk legs, super awkward quirks, and everything.
I mean, I value my money and would never invest it in a stock that I knew wouldn’t give me a return on my investment. Or have a monthly subscription, leaking money on something I never use.
And I wouldn’t expend energy planting and tending to a garden that I knew wouldn’t bear any kind of fruits or vegetables.
Why would I ever do that with my energy on thoughts, people, or situations that don’t also invest in me, fully see my worth, or positively impact my highest level of fulfillment?
If I catch myself leaking my valuable energy, I now *choose* to disinvest.
It really is that easy. No, we can’t control what happens around us, but we can control how we respond. We think it’s hard and impossible, but we truly do have a choice.
I want to go on and on explaining how profound this was for me, because I am struggling so much with articulating the depth of the lessons this magical plant ingrained in my subconscious, but I’ll stop because it’s impossible. Words really are just so stupid.
I went on a trip last weekend and saw the truth. And although the meaning of truth may take different forms based on the chapters of our lives, the truest of truths will never change.
In a couple weeks, I’ll be going on my first Ayahuasca journey, and I’m sure I’ll have some more stupid words to share afterwards.
I’ll see ya then.