Born This Way

I came out of the closet!

Nope, not that one.

A few months ago, I cleaned out a broom closet to create my work and meditation space, where I wouldn’t be disturbed and could do all my “weird”, sacred spiritual practices in one designated spot. It’s where I keep my crystals, candles, journals, incense, oracle/tarot decks, gummies (for when I go deep into my meditations and prayers), etc. It’s small, but it’s the perfect little space for me to zone out of the physical plane and dive deeply into the magical, mystical divine.

I stayed secretly hiding out in that closet, burying my truth, until a few weeks ago. If you read my last post, you probably noticed how terrified I was about sharing everything with my family. My fiery Leo moon side came out a little, and that’s the most I’ve dropped the F bomb in a while–I even edited out quite a few before posting. But I mean, I felt how I felt.

Anyway, somehow I just knew that over the holidays, I would be confronted by family about what I’m currently doing. I was terrified!

Nothing happened during the big extended family get-together. We all enjoyed each other’s company, didn’t discuss any politics whatsoever (for once…good grief it was wonderful), and we had genuinely a great time.

I thought I had avoided the inevitable. I was both relieved but also a little disappointed, because I wanted to just get it over with.

The next day was a different story.

I realized I had left one of my kid’s toys at my parents’ house, so I went over there to pick it up. On my way out the door, my mom stopped me to ask if I was doing okay. I said I was doing really well, and I tried so hard to find a way to duck out and dodge the conversation. But as I was stumbling over my words, she pried and said that she and my dad were worried about me.

Shit. Here it is.

I knew this was the moment I had been anticipating, and I knew what I needed to do.

You guys, my mom was amazing. She was actually very accepting of what I had to say, and of course it all unfolded way differently and better than I could have expected. Funny how it always works that way when you follow the pull you feel in your heart, even when it can seem terrifying.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s still a little worried and thinks I’m crazy af, but I shared with her some of the amazing things I’ve experienced while doing this, and I think that opened her mind to it a little more. And because she’s Catholic, when I shared with her all of the synchronicities that led me to Saint Francis of Assisi, she seemed to be even more at ease.

My mom is so great. She’s incredibly stubborn and sometimes we butt heads pretty badly, but she’s always been a soft spot for me to land when I need it. She doesn’t always agree with my choices, but she always supports me, albeit sometimes reluctantly, because she knows my heart is in the right spot when I make big decisions. And then later she sees how happy I am and understands why I felt called to act in the way that I did.

I told her that I think I was being forced into doing this, that this is definitely what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s why my old jobs were becoming so miserable and unfulfilling for me; it’s not what I’m meant to do anymore.

Since discussing this with my mom, I’ve felt the courage to share with more people, so I’ll go ahead and share a little bit with you guys. It’s a long story, but I will do my absolute best to cut out as many details as I can to keep this as brief as possible.

Last summer when I quit my job, and then quit my next job a couple months later (makes me laugh), I was forced to really slow down in life and go inward. It was so scary…but also so, so refreshing. I felt like I could breathe again and didn’t feel weighed down by things that didn’t fulfill me anymore.

But during this time, I was also like a dang deer in headlights. I knew I was being called to do something different, but I wasn’t sure what it was or which direction to take to find it. The thing is, I wasn’t supposed to know yet. I wasn’t supposed to do yet. I was supposed to be.

As I did this, I was able to really absorb and appreciate the tiny details in life that I somewhat overlooked before. I went more in depth on this in a previous post. This deep appreciation for being not only affected me externally, by heightening my sensual perception of the world around me (all in good ways), but also internally, where I was able to see things within myself that I didn’t fully see before.

As I was forced to slow down, I was getting so much more clarity on the path I was being called to take next. I was terrified, but I knew that I would keep repeating this unfulfilling cycle if I kept going down the same unfulfilling path. I mean, the Universe gave me everything I wanted in my career. I was working from home, had super flexible hours, got paid well, was in a field I knew well, but I was still flat out miserable. They were showing me that even though I had everything I thought I wanted, it wasn’t actually what I wanted at all. I had to be for a while so I could slow down and figure out what I needed to do.

On October 4, I grew some balls (figuratively of course) and contacted someone to help me develop whatever this “gift” is that I apparently have. Unbeknownst to me at the time, this is Saint Francis of Assisi’s feast day (that’s one of many synchronicities with him). This also terrified me because I’m living off my savings right now, so spending money like this was not something I took lightly.

But holy crap you guys, she has brought out of me things that I had no idea were there. Things I wouldn’t have known had I not invested in myself.

I’m still learning and practicing, kind of like an unpaid college internship, but I’m learning to tap in and read the energy of people and animals, to help them with healing.

Sounds crazy, right?

Because yeah, it is fucking crazy–when I tap in, I can feel others’ emotions, personalities, see how many kids they have, feel where ailments are in the bodies (animals too), and even determine from a picture whether or not someone/some animal is alive or in spirit.

These “feelings” and “knowings” are clairsentience and claircognizance, respectively, which come more naturally to me, but I’m working to develop other clairs, such as clairvoyance (seeing), clairaudience (hearing), and clairalience (smelling).

I’m beginning to see auric fields of living things, as well as occasional figures, orbs, and bright flashes of light in the corners of my eyes. This means my clairvoyance is starting to come online, which is exciting.

I’m also getting ringing in the ears, but not the typical ringing you get when you’ve just left a loud concert. It’s different. I’ll also “hear” random messages that I know didn’t come from my own logical mind. All of this means that Spirit is trying to fine tune my clairaudience. Also super exciting.

I’m currently really focusing on developing my relationship with my spirit guides, which is so freaking powerful and just amazing. I can’t put down words to describe it, because like anything else of substantial emotional impact, it’s beyond words.

It’s simply divine. That’s really all I can say.

I am still in the “student” phase and have *so much* to learn, SO MUCH, but it’s really cool when new things unfold and reveal themselves to me. It’s a lifelong spiritual development journey, and it’s kind of badass.

On top of this, as like a side project, I’m brainstorming different ideas for hosting mini spiritual health/wellness ceremonies and events, such as moon rituals, sound baths, energy healing, guided meditations, yoga, hiking, maybe live folksy music in the future, etc. These events will start out very small, but I have big visions for how I’d like to grow over time.

I’m excited, you guys. Like really excited. Still terrified afffff. But so excited that the fear isn’t gonna stop me anymore.

Before I close this, I want to put this out there–because I’m still learning and need loads of practice. If anyone is willing to volunteer as a guinea pig (or let their pet be a guinea pig because I plan to work with animals too!!), I would love to do practice readings to see where I’m wrong and where I’m correct. Practice helps me develop my own little dictionary of what different clair/sense responses mean for me (they’re different for everyone), so I need practice to fine-tune my shit. If you wanna volunteer (they do not have to be in-person), or if you just have questions, you can email me privately at TheTapestryRoom3@gmail.com

So there you have it, guys. I’m officially out of the closet, and it feels damn good.

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