A couple months ago, I wrote about how I quit my job.
I did that again.
No worries. Once again, I know, without a doubt in my being, that I did the right thing. I’ll be all right.
This new job fell into my lap almost immediately after I put in my notice at my last job. I never applied for it–they just heard about me leaving my last position and wanted to hire me. It lined up so perfectly and truly was meant to be.
It was never my intention, however, to do this long-term, because I no longer want to be in this field of work. But it was perfect for the time being–I was able to work part-time hours from home, doing tasks I was very familiar with, spend a lot of time with my kids while they were home for the summer, and comfortably pay my bills without dipping into savings. I am sincerely very grateful for that opportunity.
But the thing is, after only a couple months, I realized their business practices were incredibly immoral, and I am not at all okay with affiliating myself with an organization that doesn’t value honesty, transparency, or their employees. I will spare you the irrelevant details, but trust me when I say that what they did was bullshit. The company is now crumbling because of it.
So anyway, over these past few months, I have realized I’ve been pushed way out of my comfort zone so I can grow the strength to shed all the things in my life that aren’t aligned with who I am to my core–to live my life in a way that stays true to my authentic self without fear of judgement from others.
I guess that’s actually been the theme for the past three years or so.
My life is f*n crazy.
Yes it’s been hard af, but if it weren’t for these challenges, I wouldn’t be where I am now emotionally and spiritually. I wouldn’t feel the deep peace and calmness I now feel within.
We ask the Universe/God for strength, but when presented with hard shit, we do whatever we can to avoid it.
But dude. Just like in weight lifting, you can’t get stronger until you face and push through the heavy shit.
Also critical in strength training, our muscles need time to rest so they can repair the broken-down-ness that occurs in that heavy lifting.
After going through difficult seasons in life, we also need to take the time to do the same. We need to rest in order to integrate the heavy shit we just endured.
That’s where I believe I’m at now. I’m resting. It’s a divinely forced resting period, but I’m grateful for that divine intervention. It has provided the time for me to slow down and fully absorb and appreciate the small, subtle details in every day-to-day experience.
I’m starting to notice the way the moving leaves on the trees create glittering sunlight on the ground below.
I’m watching cloud formations again, witnessing how the elephant morphs into the sailboat.
I’m feeling the sound of rubber tires grazing the pavement as a car passes by.
I’m embracing the sunlight as it wraps around and bathes my skin, instead of focusing on how insanely hot I am.
I’m observing the flies cleaning themselves so they can be more receptive to their own surroundings.
I’m hearing the chaos and noise in daily life and not getting irritated. That’s huge.
And I’m hearing and appreciating the tiny moments of silence between the chaos.
Do you ever allow yourself to rest — to consciously slow down and really take in the beauty of what simply just *is*? Just like we did as kids, before we were conditioned to hurry up all the time.
Embracing the now moment.
I think that’s been my lesson in this season of my life–to take the time to really slow the f* down, rest, and see the world like a kid again–to fully appreciate the subtle beauty in every experience this crazy ass life has to offer.
It’s so damn peaceful, and it’s something I plan to continue exploring and practicing, as I flow to wherever the Universe carries me next.
It’s not the beginning of the end. It’s the return to yourself. The return to innocence.